Finding Your Optimal Stress Level

Stress is inevitable in life. It may vary in nature and intensity throughout, but it will always be present. So how can we best manage stress and even make it work for us?

As many of us have experienced an increase in stress level during the pandemic, one might be curious about the idea of an optimal stress level. While excessive stress or chronic stress can be detrimental to our health, eustress (yoo·stres) can actually help us perform at our best. Eustress can come in all sorts of forms and it's important to note that eustress events are not universal. What may be one person’s eustress might be another’s distress, and that’s okay. Learning to distinguish between what eustress and distress feels like for us is an important piece in identifying our own optimal stress level.

So what do I mean when I refer to an optimal stress level? It became very apparent to me in school that I could be a bit of a procrastinator. I remember telling myself and others I wasn’t procrastinatingーI just worked better under pressure. There was, in fact, some truth to the latter. I do find it easier to dial in my focus and be action oriented when there is a certain level of urgency. This is where I find my flow. Picture eustress, or good stress, as the sweet spot in the range of stress. Too much, and yes, even too little stress can be more detrimental than beneficial. Take school work as an example. If I started an assignment too early, I found myself easily distracted and making decisions was difficult. If I waited too long, I was in panic mode which was not pretty and did not result in my best work. This idea translates to other things beyond school assignments and I’ve learned where my window for eustress lies for the most part. Mind you, it doesn’t mean I consistently live there. 

What about everyday stressors or those big life event stressors? How do we manage those in a way that minimizes the amount of detrimental stress? Our own best tool is not creating stress for ourselves. It isn’t as easy as it sounds. We say yes when we want to say no, we say no when we want to yes, and this is a big oneーwe fixate on what we can’t control rather than what we can.

It can be uncomfortable to say no. All of the ‘should’s’ flood our mind and feelings of guilt often swell at the idea of saying no. If you are a fellow Brene’ Brown fan, you know where I’m going with this. We are often willing to avoid the 30 seconds of uncomfortableness and say yes in the moment, only to be filled with resentment and increased stress afterwards. On the flipside, when we say no, we might be denying ourselves something fun because again, we feel we ‘should’ be doing other things. When I consider saying yes or no, I have found this to be a helpful rule to live by. “Choose to do only what you can do without resentment.” This doesn’t mean I always do exactly what I want. It does create a balance for me in acknowledging that I have made a very conscious choice to do whatever I’m doing or not doing and accept responsibility.

Let’s take a look around mindset when it comes to control. Shifting focus to what we can control can be a game changer in how we respond to stress and move through life.

There are so many things in life that are not within our control and focusing efforts and energy there can be a futile process creating or adding to our stress. Whether a situation has happened, or may or may not happen, pausing to assess what we can really control in the scenario can put us in the driver’s seat. For my fellow control freaks, here is the real kick in the shinsーsometimes the only thing we can control is how we respond. For instance, running late is a stress trigger for me so I try to take measures to minimize it happening. However, from time to time, it happens and once it happens there is no changing it. Becoming short tempered and anxious does nothing other than elevate my heart rate and blood pressure and result in my child getting very, very quiet. I have learned to lean into intentional breathing in these moments— most of the time anyway—and accept what is. If I can let whomever I am late for know, I do, and then I return to my breathing. 😊

What drives stress and how we manage it can look a bit different for each of us. Stress can impact us mentally and physically and there are a variety of things we can do to help manage our stress. Things we may associate with good health in general like getting enough sleep, regular exercise, connecting in healthy relationships and a nutritious diet can all be beneficial in our efforts to manage stress. In addition to these measures, I also invite you to spend some time considering what is driving your yes’s and no’s and keep in mind it’s okay to make yourself a priority. Finally, assess where you actually have control. Are your time, energy and efforts being well spent?